She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
