I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
