Porn is love you can see.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
