i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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