I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
