someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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