I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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