theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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