I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
