Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
