Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We need to rekindle our bromance
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
