I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
