i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
