it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
