How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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