the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
