She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
