The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
