I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
