Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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