its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
