I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
