This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
