can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
