New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
either way he was missing a nipple.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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