When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
