i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
