David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
