Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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