the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
