why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
