She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
