The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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