im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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