You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
