Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
