the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
