I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh god it's open bar.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize