I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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