You smell like a Billy Joel song
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
