i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
