we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
