If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
