it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
