Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize