Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
