Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
