And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
