the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
