I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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