I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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