I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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