Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
