im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
