I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
