i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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