Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It was like getting head from an anaconda
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
