I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
