so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
cat food counts as protein by the way
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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