is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
