How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
