dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Bring me that man meat
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize